Send my love to heaven

by lorenz

Chapter 1

She was my best friend and I have known her since we were small. She knew all my secrets, which reveals my true feelings for her, that I love her not because she?s pretty and smart but also by the way she laughs at everything and the way she sees life and love.

I could still remember the first time we meet. I was five years old then, It was one windy afternoon no one to play with except my best friend. Troy. He and his family just moved out to transfer to a neighboring state because his father got promoted.

And so I climbed our tree hour. I saw a moving truck coming down the street. I watched it approaching and noticed a family wagon following. It stopped in front of the house and out came family. I was about to glance away when out came the loveliest girl I?ve ever seen. She had long curly hair, which reached almost her waist. She had fair complexion and eyes, which would make a man lose her heart into them. I continued to watch her. Suddenly, she looked up and saw me watching them in the tree house window. I was about to duck when she smiled and waved her hand. I waved back then watched in amazement as I saw her running towards the tree house. So I went to the edge of the ladder and said, ? Would you liked to climbed up?? She answered, ?May I?? So, I helped her climbed up and when she reached the top, she then turned to me and said, ?By the way, my name?s Sam. What?s yours? I answered, My name is Christopher, but then you can call me Chris.? She smiled and said, ?Well, I like you name. Hey, your tree house?s neat!? Then I replied, ? Thanks! Troy and I made this. This used to be our hide out. We used to go of around, play ball and go biking together. He was my best friend and I kind off miss him you know.? She smiled and said, ?I?m here now. We could do things you do with Troy and I could be your best new best friend like before so it could be exciting to have one. I could learn to play ball and I have my own bicycle so we could go biking together. Now, how does that sound to you?? I smiled and said, ?Well, that sounds good to me.? Then she held her hand and said. ?It?s a deal then!? So, that?s how it started.

So we became best friends and it was kind of strange at first for she was a girl and there are things which I was a little bit hesitant to indulge her like catching frogs, swimming in the lake, and climbing trees. But then she tried and did everything just to please me. There was even a time when she fell off the bike trying to catch up with me in a race we and I was the one who bandaged her scraped knee. I could still recall the time when she hit the window of our neighbor when we were playing baseball and it was I who talked to Mr. Chambers and promise to pay for the damage, which meant having to lose a week?s allowance. I remembered the time when I fell off the tree when I tried to rescue a kitten because Sam was near to tears when she saw the helpless kitten trapped in a branch. I even fought with tough us when they teased Sam and made her cry and I ended up having a black eye and a bruised cheek. I remembered Sam crying as she placed and ice bag over the damaged eye and later gave a get-well kiss. I did everything to please her and gave everything her little heart desires. The lake was our favorite place to hang out. We had our Saturday swim routine. We would pack our food and later eat them under the big oak tree. There was a special branch in which the two of us could sit together and tell each other?s dream of becoming a doctor. She never laughs at my dreams and pursuits even if they were quite impossible. It made me like her even more.

As years went by, I noticed that my feelings towards her were slowly changing. Somehow, I thought it was just a simple crush case. But then I started thinking about her at night, dreaming of her and having the feeling wanting to be with her all the time. It made me feel alive. Whenever our hands touch, I could feel the tingling sensation in my spine. Once we were in the lake having our Saturday swim routing, and I as carried her towards the water edge, I had the feeling of not wanting to let go. I just wanted tht moment to continue hoping it would never end. I then realize I was slowly falling in love with my best friend.

Many times I tried to deny the feelings for I was scared to imagine of what would happen if ever I?m taking advantage of her and our friendship. I was afraid of losing her so I just kept my feelings hidden.

We reached the age of fifteen and I noticed that Sam grew lovelier each day. How my heart aches whenever I see boys glance her way. I want to punch their noses as I watch them talking to her and giving some complements, flowers and chocolate. There were times when I watched at a distant with mixed feelings of anger and hurt because she might see me only as a friend. I was also scared of letting her know how I feel about her as much as losing her.

Then one day, I just learned from a friend that she already has a boyfriend. At first, I tried to convince myself that it was just a rumor. Her boyfriend was Mark, a popular senior, who was he heartthrob of the campus. She, being the cheerleader, was close to the parking lot that afternoon, I watched her with my heart slowly breaking into pieces. I saw her waved at me but I just pretend not to see her for I was soared that she might see in my eyes the pain I?m feeling inside because of seeing her with another guy.
Those days that followed were the saddest days of my life. How my heartache when I see her walk by me that makes me want to grab her away from him. How it hurts to see that girl I long to possess, is owned by someone else! That special smile which I long for her to cast on me was now cast on him. As she passed by, she doesn?t know that I whispered the words, ? God, how I love you.?

Then one faithful day they broke up. She came to me that evening crying on my shoulder. They had a big fight and it ended up to their break up. Mixed feelings were scaring inside me. I was happy because she was free and maybe I would have the chance of telling her. But I was so sad because she was crying her hand out just for him. At that time, I was not quite sure what I wanted to do.

So we found ourselves doing what we did in the old days with our Saturday swim routing spending time in our tree house. We still enjoy doing childish pranks for we still are both young at heart.

So many chances I had for me to confess my feelings for her. But still, I found not bring myself her foot for I was scared of losing her once more. I once later lost her, now I could not bear losing her again by telling her ? I love her?. So, I just kept my feelings even if it was bursting to be express from my aching heart.

It was a week from our JS prom. We were seated at the branch of an oak tree crying ourselves after our afternoon swim when she said, ? I was wondering, Chris, if you would like to be my partner.? I just got out of my wits for it was like a dream I never thought would happened. It took me a while to answer her. ? Well, I just thought there are so many boys who would die for you to be their partner. ? So then she turn away and quietly said, ? Well, I just thought I would like to spend that night with my best friend.? Then she continued in a whisper I could barely hear. ? Don?t you want to do, just like them to be my partner, Chris? ? I was stunned to speak for it comes close to me to blurt my feelings for her. We were silent for a while until I finally whispered, ? I would be happy to be your partner, Sam,? Then she smiled and suddenly kissed my cheek. I could hardly contained the joy that I felt that time, I saw her turned and bowed her head. Suddenly, she stood up and ran towards the water saying, ? Last one to reached the water treats the sundae fudge!? I ran but slowed up so that I would lose, which meant having to be with her another three hours or more.

When we arrived at the gymnasium, we hardly recognized our classmates. Gone were the jeans and T-shirts, They were replaced by Tuxedos and Gowns. Then, I held her hand, bowed and said, ? Would you give me the honor of your first dance?? She laughed and carts eyed. Then I led her to the dance floor.

It was like a dream coming true. A moment of enchantment, I was there dancing with the only girl I?ve ever loved. She was smiling up to me, as we were slowly moving in a smooth gliding motion. I found myself lost as I started down to her sparkling eyes. The curls of her long hair were like waved enhancing her beautiful face. There were so many things I wanted to tell her that moment. I wanted to tell her most is that I LOVE HER. I drew u all my courage and bent to whisper if in her ear. But suddenly, the music stop and the music were gone. I cam close in telling still, I haven?t done it.

We walked towards the table and found ourselves surrounded by friends I asked her if she wanted a drink. She nodded and see I went to get one. It took me a long time to get one and when I returned to our table, she was gone. I asked her friend, Cathy, where she was but she told me she doesn?t know. So I went and searched for her.

As I was searching for her, I reached the garden. There I saw silhouette figures outlined by the moon?s silvery light. They were so close to each other. I could never describe the feeling that I had when I recognized the white dress Sam was wearing that night. I just turned and left the gymnasium.

Since that night, I avoided her. Many times she tried talking to me but I never give her the chance to do so. I was afraid to hear say that she love Mark and not me. I would rather had left in ignorance of her true feelings then hear from her those dreaded words and feel my hope crush and my heart break. I didn?t returned her calls. I would not see her if she comes into our home, in the hallways, as she approaches I would go to another direction. It also hurts, to do those things but then it was that I thought was the best way to forget her. Those months were tormenting but still I kept my pride.
The day of our graduation came, I was planning to take up medicine at the neighboring state and moved our the next day. As the program ended she approached me and handed me a rose. As she stared at me, there was, something in her eyes that I could not described. There was sadness in them. And when she smiled, it wasn?t the same smile she gave me. I wanted to hug her at that moment, tell her that I love her but then she turned & walked away from me. I moved out the next day as I planned. I was accepted at the University. I concentrated with my studies but still I think of her at night. I was always wondering if she thinks of me too. I tried hard not to think of her but still I could not stop myself from loving her. There were times when I wanted to write her but still I could not stop myself from loving her. There were times when I wanted to write her but I was to proud to do, so. The thought that if I will be successful one day, I would be able, to tell her that I love her and by that time I?m worthy of loving her.

It was a year now our graduation when I decided to return home and see her again. I thought a year is too much for me not to see her and during the past year I felt like a person lose in the desert and only the sight of her could quench the thirst I had inside. As I got off the place, I went home directly, desperate to get to her house, desperate to see her and hug her.
Then I would tell her that I missed her and that I love her for a long time. This time I?m determined to let her know my true feelings for her and could not contained anymore the love I have for her.

I reached for their hours. I saw her older sister and I approached her. I smiled at her but I noticed that she didn?t smiled back. I was confused for she used to be a cheerful young lady just like my dear Sam. I then asked, ? Hi! Jean! I guess you?re surprise why I?m here. Well, I just want to visit you and I was also hoping to see Sam.? ?I kind of miss her, you know. Ummm? by the way, have you seen her?? All I saw was a sadness in her eyes as she replied quietly, ? Come, follow me.?

I was confused with the way she?s acting but still I followed her. As we were walking, I was trying to indulge her in a conversation. But just answered my questions briefly. Then I realized that she was leading me to the direction of the lake. It was the same as I left it, with the same oak tree that Sam and I used to climb. I smiled upon remembering the kiss of Sam saved me when I agreed to be her partner. It?s been the happiest days in my life and I realized that I?ve missed Sam more than I thought. Then Jean stopped walking and pointed the tree. She then whispered, there?s Sam.?

I looked at where she was pointing and saw a newly dug tomb with the named of the girl I have ever loved. I could not believe at what I saw. And I desperately tried convincing myself the this is all a nightmare, and I would soon make up. I starred at Jean in disbelief with my eyes searching for explanations and slowly started crying. ?It has been a week before she died, she died of Leukemia, but even though she was sick she never stopped thinking of you. It was even your name she uttered before she died. She asked us to bury her here for she always regard this place as the place of love. She said this is where she has spent the happiest days and that was when she was with you. By the way, she also asked me to give you this. ?She handed me a small parcel and with that, she left.

I slowly opened the parcel and saw that it contained the dried orchid from the corsage I gave her for our prom. Then at the bottom I saw the letter. It was dated last month. I opened it with shaking hands and started reading.

Dear Chris,

I know by this time you read this letter, I?m gone. I just want to tell you that I feel very lucky and thankful to God that I had a friend like you. I would also like you t know that I felt something inside, something I kept form you all this years. I LOVE YOU, CHRIS, not in a friendly way but as one who would feel like spending the rest of my life when you were by my side. You just don?t know how I dreamed of you at night and wake up in the morning and dreamed no more for you are with me. When you are away, I can?t stop crying because I?m afraid to think that you fare with another girl. I just want you all by myself. I may sound selfish, but that?s how I feel. Each time you held me close to you was like a dream coming true for to be close to you and to feel you heart beating next to mine was heaven. So many time I did so that you will learn to love me but I NEVER saw a hint. I did everything to please you because I love you so much that I even tried to fool myself that you are in love with me, too! So many nights I?ve cried when I think myself unloved by you. Well, you might think that what I am saying are lies but my heart speaks the truth for I cannot bear telling a lie to the one I love.

NOTE:>>hindi ko kinaya ang wrong grammar... hehe. pero understandable naman so okay na. vina and migel, para sa inyo 'to. alam ko hindi niyo pa 'to nababasa<<